What I’ve learned is that this kind of self talk will eventually beat you down emotionally and physically. It’s referred to as the “Critical Parent.”
Whether you’ve had a critical parent or not, you can be the critical parent to yourself as an adult. You do this with the words you choose to manage your life; words that continually scold and remind you of your faults.
Lets say you’ve raved about your sensational breakfast casserole and offered to serve it at a special event at work, but things get crazy with family schedules and you forget. Eventually the day arrives and you find yourself face-to-face with 40 hungry people!
You apologize and mean it and even try to make it up to your coworkers, but afterward your critical parent will start scolding you. You’re forgetful, you’re stupid, you can’t get anything right. What’s wrong with you?
Yes, you forgot your commitment and you feel terrible – you don’t need the critical parent to add another layer of terrible. Constant critical self talk will cause you to feel vulnerable and shameful and this will affect your confidence.
Also, self criticism won’t do anything to help you change, prioritize, organize or remember next time.
Here’s an example of what you could say to yourself next time:
- Acknowledge: I forgot because I didn’t make it a priority.
- Outcome: I disappointed people and I will apologize.
- Emotions: I feel upset and angry with myself.
- Effort: I will do my best to make it up to them.
- Decision: I will not criticize myself.
You cannot criticize yourself or someone else into perfection.