She said…“it feels like no one cares that I’m going through this anymore.” Shelia’s words remind me of how lonely a period of illness and healing can be.

A long illness can bring up unexpected and complicated emotions in the people around you. Usually, neither patient nor friend is aware of this subtle shift – but it often sounds a lot like Shelia’s words.

The shift represents a change between Internal and External thinking.


  • Helping others as they heal is normal. We have empathy for their situation and we do what we can to help make their situation better (External Thinking).
  • But when their illness lingers, it often brings up fears about our own health. We begin to wonder how we might cope if we were in their shoes (Internal Thinking).

If you’ve ever felt what Shelia’s felt, here’s a way to express your emotions:

Say, “I want to thank you for all you’ve done for me while I’ve been ill. I can only imagine what feelings my illness has brought up in you. I want you to know that if you are ever in my place, I’m going to be there for you.”