I’m not a blogger, I’m an observer and problem solver.

These are some of my observations and thoughts about our emotional lives.

Knowing What Feels Right For You

I don’t know the exact word she said that caused the a picture of a compass to pop into my mind, but I immediately put down my note pad and stood up. It’s like you have a compass in your heart, I said. Since the heart-compass idea opened up a new therapeutic...

Are You Too Uncomfortable To Offer Comfort?

Your relationships are living breathing systems that share, create, do and feel. Although each piece is important, you need feeling in order for your relationship to survive. Oh, wrong…your love relationship can can survive without feeling, but not very well or...

There’s No Such Thing As Closure

I hear people talk about “closure” a lot – they’ll say something like, I just need to get closure on this. It seems they see closure as a psychological door that can permanently shut away their emotional pain. Okay, if closure supposedly shuts away the emotional...

Get Out of the Nowhere Place

It happened. I felt sad and conflicted and angry and hurt. No one said anything about it to me. No one offered me comfort.  They acted like it never happened. But now, they say forget it. I question if  was real – if what I’m feeling is real. I try to forget it,...

Do You Have Empathy For Yourself

“I never thought of forgiving my eight year-old self,” Amanda said. We were discussing her reactions to a talk I’d just given to a women’s group titled, How What We Say To Ourselves Affects How We Feel. In the talk, I’d asked the women to think about a mistake they’d...

Your Life Is Not A To-Do List?

A few weeks ago I ran into one of my favorite professors from graduate school. We hugged and squealed and then I asked if she’d like to have coffee and catch up a bit? Oh, my gosh – well – I could – no – I better not, I have a million things to...

Time Does Not Heal All Wounds

“Just give it time and you’ll be fine,” he told Allie. “I’m not worried about being fine right now Sam, this is sad and I want to feel it.” Just give it time, is a common fix-all response of people who mean well and of people who want to avoid feeling an emotion....

Acknowledgement Can Calm An Anxious Heart

In my years of doing therapy I’ve come to see that acknowledgement is one of the easiest ways to calm an anxious heart. Acknowledging another person’s feelings can also help you make early connections as well as build and rebuild relationships. It’s...
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